Sometimes I have to shut the door and just hide from the noise. I like to slow down and re-calibrate my mind. I can feel myself slowly becoming irritated easier so I stop myself before I go down that dark rabbit hole. I like that I trained myself to be aware of this and I can stop it before it gets worse for myself. Knowing that I control how I choose to react to life is flipping liberating.
When I was a little girl I would go to the top of the stairs and cry my mom would leave me there and I would do anything to get her attention so I would scream louder and cry harder and if that didn’t work I would bang my head against the wall. Just so she could hug me and hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. She didn’t know how to do this and I didn’t know how to ask for her to be there for me.
A Childhood Memory
I’ve been working a lot this year on healing my inner child. I’ve come to have compassion for my mom and my ancestors because this emotional and physical abuse was something passed down from a plethora generations. I can see now how this emotional and physical abuse was handed down and my mom was doing this unconsciously. How could I expect someone who never healed who was raised by other people who never loved her to love me whole heartily. I know she loves me but there are still times she says things to make me feel a certain way. I must grey rock her and I do because I am protecting my peace which I worked so hard to bring into my life.
I feel lonely I want someone to hold hug and love. Its been two years since our separation hes now getting engaged and I’m okay with that. I just felt like I needed a divorce before I could move forward but I guess I felt like I need the paperwork for a divorce to happen before I moved on all this time he has already moved on. I’m mad at myself for that at the same time I am happy I allowed myself the time to just breathe and let things be and allow myself to feel and allow myself to release any old baggage that no longer serves me so that when fate comes I’ll be as ready. Learning to let him go and love myself was the best life lesson I could ever ask for.
Just coming out of meditation I made some beautiful connections with my mind body and soul. I asked my body for forgiveness. I apologized for neglecting myself all these years. Instantly I felt my body respond with love. My body was vibrating and I felt these amazing truth goose bumps. I understood my body was talking back to me. My body is loving, caring, kind, forgiving, and strong. All these years I let society and distractions take over my mind causing my body to be neglected. I became extremely overweight depressed shy and shut myself and my kids out from the world just because I didn’t feel good about myself.I can see clearly so many distractions in my life that caused me not love myself. I always had a deep hunger for a physical change in my life and I know I can achieve this through loving myself first from the inside out. Learning to heal the emotional wounds I within me and letting them all go. Releasing all this pent up emotions and allowing myself to be free of them.
Also learning to express myself instead of holding it inside.Learning to turn my fear of the unknown into something amazing for my life. I have so many supporters and I know I don’t have to be perfect at this. It’s a work in progress. I just want to say thank you hair for your protection, thank you eyes for the beauty I get to see everyday, thank you nose for the amazing smells on earth, thank you hands and feet for doing so much hard work for me, thank you skin for your protection, thank you taste buds for allowing me to taste amazing food, thank you heart for beating, thank you breathe for allowing me to let go of toxin, thank you nails for protections. Thank you mind body and soul for forgiving me for forgetting who I am and for allowing me to live and learn and to go back to who I was meant to be on this planet a helper and a healer of this magnificent planet. What I learned from this lesson is nothing is against us the universe conspires to help us and this is all apart of the plan for my life. Life is rigged in your favor my beautiful soul friends.
#lifeisawesome #selflove #loveyourself #meditation #hellofutureself #futureself
I was able to connect with my future self in my meditation today. I thanked myself for taking the steps to better my life. I embodied the amazing feelings of a warrior goddess. Taking back my life and my body I was the winner. I saw myself as healthy fit and living my passion and dreams which is to spread self love help people get off the hamster wheel and win their life back. I used the hardship I experienced as fuel to ignite this amazing life. My dream is to spread the message of LOVE to this world. I turned my mess into my message and I had a tribe of amazing people following me. I thanked the universe for this amazing life experience. I heard a voice tell me you are a spirit soul living in this human body to gain experience use it for your highest good. Cliche as this sounds it’s true. There are no accidents. We are all fully supported in life we have to allows our self to be open to receive this gift.
Envisioning My dreams in meditation today I had a vision I was the owner of a my own wellness center called body flow wellness center there I taught classes on dance, inner child meditation, self love, and so much more. I could see this wellness center growing so big I had expanded and had an outdoor meditation sanctuary a beautiful outdoor garden. Butterflies were flying everywhere.
When I used to think small I never thought I could achieve something this big I thought that was only for the rich people. Now I understand I can do and be anything I want to be and I know I was destined for greatness because all humans are. when I follow my passion all doors open and everything i need is provided. Dreaming big is so awesome feels so good to help and give back to humanity and planet earth.
On my journey to win back my life I am seeing clearly the meaning of we are all one with everything in this massive universe. We are supported and loved cared for and divinely guided by our spirit guides and angels. They clear the pathway for us to follow even though we can’t physically see this with our eyes I have this knowing they are always working to keep us safe
I feel humbled and loved to know information because I never understood this before I used to think small and blame others now I ask myself what can I learn from every situation.
Knowing that we are all one helps me see that nothing is a mistake or accident everything happens for our highest good. Many people who are highly successful had a moment in life where they felt lost confused and wanting more out of life. That is me right now I want my zest vitality for life back. I will win it back and I know I can do it. It’s not to prove anything to anyone its for me. I know I am being supported and I have the greatest gift of all my intuition to guide me. I am loved and supported by so many beautiful begins.
I know I was meant to do more on this earth then work a mundane job. I have a deep desire burning inside me to help people. First I want to use myself as an example to show people you can do anything you set your mind on. No adversity is going to hold you back it will only lift you up higher. The universe will move mountains have a little faith and it will show in so many magical ways.
Deep in meditation today I had a vision of myself as a teen girl dancing gracefully expressing every single emotion she has ever felt in her life all through dance. It reminded me of how true this is in my life I always loved dancing and I’ve had a hard time expressing myself. It was a message from the Divine reminding me to connect with my emotions and telling me I can do this through dance what I have always loved doing.
What an honor it was to see this so clear. I started to see my house with a dance studio which I used for practice. I saw myself doing yoga, dancing, Qi Gong, meditating, laughing I was enjoying my life to the fullest. They say if you can see it in your minds eye it can happen. I truly believe this to be true in my heart. I can’t ignore the feelings this vision gave me. I felt so alive and I felt so HAPPY.
In a world full of distractions connecting to your passion can be hard for many. I find myself exploring different ways to bring myself closer to my passion and purpose in life. I must allow myself to be free of stagnation and be willing to surrender and allow my life to flow freely. Enjoying the journey every step of the way. I want to live a fulfilling meaningful life. I come to understand there truly is no way I came to planet earth to work a 9-5 and pay bills. Connecting with my childhood has reminded me of what I love to do. I love dancing, being free, and I want to use this to express my emotions. It can be difficult to express our emotions because society expects us to eat a pill and make it all better but #truth be told that’s only suppressing the feelings.
I am guided to use my life as an example to help heal the planet and it’s people. If I help just one person I would be so grateful. I have a lot of work to do. I am excited because this journey brings #Freedom #joy #peace #innerpeace #selflove into my life. It will mirror many sides of myself I never knew I had. AHHHHHHHHH the feeling of honoring my mind, body, and soul makes me feel so liberating.